Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Apples or oranges?

“I believe that obesity is a disease and that fat shaming is unacceptable.” From Tracey

I read that statement from Tracey a couple of days ago. She came and left a comment on one of my post. I don’t know about you but every time someone new takes the time to write me a comment, I check them out.

I have been meaning to write about “cheat days” and “don’t be hard on yourself” for a while now but didn’t want to do it just yet. I kept putting it off because I am uncomfortable about this particular subject. As Tracey’s statement has been on my mind since I read it, I decided to go ahead and post my thoughts.

The uneasiness to post about this is not for what I’m going through, I’m doing great 99.9 % of the time. It’s about other blogs and comments I read but I really don’t want anyone thinking I’m judging or pointing fingers at them. I’m not. I am writing this hoping it might help someone.

“Fat shaming is unacceptable.” I agree and applaud this statement. The problem is how we see ourselves. I never really cared about what people think of me; if they couldn’t see inside the over-sized men… they were missing a caring and funny (sometimes) real person. In my mind: “I’d rather be fat me, than you the judging SOB!”

So what if some SOBs judge us? It doesn’t hurt UNLESS you agree with them. I really took this turn for my NEED for a healthier me. It has a little bit to do about self-image but not that much. Health is my priority.

“I believe that obesity is a disease!’ That statement hit a home run! It is a disease, and it’s in the same category as addiction to drugs, alcohol, sugar, etc.

In previous posts I mentioned my problem was one of moderation. It’s no better or worse than people who binges or starves themselves or whatever else there is out there. If it were only a problem with moderation, and what I was abusing had been water, carrots and celery, would I have a weight problem? Of course not! I was abusing and attracted to the wrong type of food and drinks.

I have been on diets and exercise programs before. I walked in the shoes of so many failures. The biggest difference this time is: MENTAL

It doesn’t matter how little we eat, how much we exercise, if we see ourselves as fat, we will be back where we started and add some for good measure.

For example, if I had a drug addiction and I kept drugs at home, I know what would happen. I also know I can’t control my addiction, I can’t just “cheat” and be OK. My mental health would get the wrong message. And changing my life style started with my mental attitude.

I know people mean well but there are 2 types of comments that is really difficult for me to process: “Don’t be so hard on yourself.” and “Allow yourself some time off (or cheat days)”.

I have been hard on myself… I ate too much for years, I put over 65 pounds of fat on my small 5’7” body. I drank too much and ended up wasting the next day because of hangovers. I have to take pills to correct my health because I put my life in jeopardy. I have played sports with people in good shape in theirs late sixties, seventies and even eighties and got my a$$ kicked! That WAS HARD ON me!

Since I have changed my lifestyle I have been really good to myself, and I don’t suffer from any of the withdrawal symptoms. I have NO craving for anything which would not fit in my reaching my goal. It’s all mental. I don’t think about it; I decided to get healthy and there is nowhere else to go.

Now days I always make the right choice, but I set it up so my decision is about “Do I eat an apple or do I eat an orange?” It’s so much easier when you are not fighting with yourself!

I don’t have “cheat” days. I’m like those babies who are learning to walk. First they observe people walking successfully. They crawl to a chair thinking: “hey I have legs, I can do it”, they take hold of the chair and lift themselves up from the floor. They are so happy they smile broadly and do a little happy dance. Finally they will take a few tentative steps.

I am at the happy dance stage right now, I’m off the floor but I’m not ready yet to take the next step. It has to be in this order. How can you learn to walk without learning first to get off the floor?

All the cheating is cheating you from learning faster. People get discouraged and depressed because they are not running… we have to learn to stand up for ourselves first!


  1. I read on Sparkpeople something that really stuck with me. I'm paraphrasing a little, but basically: If your friend told you the things you tell yourself, they wouldn't be your friend anymore…so why do you accept it form yourself?

    Very very wise.

    - Hairy Toes

    1. Thanks HT, indeed! Stop listening to your self who "wants" every thing that is bad... I like that! You're wise for such a young lady :)

  2. There's so much delicious food out there. Veggies are GREAT. Fruits are GREAT. Grains are GREAT. Lean meats are GREAT. I don't miss junk food much because I'm eating so much great stuff all the time! :)


    1. One moment lady... Who is the parent here? Shesss

  3. Yes, good point about being hard on yourself and how you were. Though I do find many dieters are too hard on themselves in terms of feeling that one cookie, makes their entire week, shit. I personally don't get that way of thinking and I don't judge my self-worth based on what I ate or didn't eat.

    Here's to health. Keep going.

    PS: I agree with WWE, vedge and fruit along with whole foods are wonderful. I love 'em. Fun to eat, fun to bake with, fun to cook.


    1. Yes Ivy, eating ONE cookies is not a problem, emptying a bag is... When I read post where the goal just get shovel under a pile of dough, I am sad for the person. The changes begin and end with ourselves. No one is innocent, when we "cheat" we know what we were doing and since we cheated, it open the cupboard door to more cheating. Such a waste of energy :(

      I know WWE for her whole life... I am her real father. But sometimes, I think I should get a paternity test... she can eat so much and never gain a pound! Kids can't through them under the ice cream truck! ha ha ha

    2. Hahaha, about your daughter. Real father. You're funny.

  4. Great post, Richard. And so honest. We can't stop people from saying what they want to say, but we can control how we respond to them. I think when it comes to weight/food/diets, we should stop looking at them from a 'how do I look?' position and start looking at them as 'how do I feel?', 'what is this doing to my health?', etc. Eating well and exercising and taking care of our body is about health. And when we have our health, everything else goes well. I don't eat good food because I worry about how I'll look to the world. I eat good food to avoid getting sick and leaving my loved ones prematurely. I eat good food to avoid certain diseases and health issues that could be avoided and prevented. When we eat crap, we may feel full but our bodies are starving. The body doesn't need junk/fake/overly-preserved food; it needs real food. And when I eat real food, I feel more energized and even happier. I am one of the people that will tell you not to be so hard on yourself. Not for any other reason but to remind you that you will slip sometimes. And that's okay. It takes time to change habits and get on a good road. As long as you keep getting up, you're on the right track. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I enjoy when people are honest. That is always the best way.

    1. Thank you Martha,

      ha ha You did made the comment: "not to be so hard on yourself" almost a month ago. It has been on my mind, because I believe in tough love... you have to be tough on yourself sometimes to get where you need to go. But I think that being tough made this journey so much easier! Baby steps starting tomorrow :)

    2. I've said it too, even the other day to someone else. But now that I know it bothers you I won't say it. Sorry about that. I don't always know what will strike a nerve and what won't.

    3. Ivy there is no comment that will strike my nerve. Some comment make me think which is always a great thing. Martha comment... had me thinking for almost a month. Not because in any way it bother me, but it made me realize I would have at some point to tell more about my philosophy which is don't give up to temptation. And I thought it would not go well with most people struggling with weight.

      I see my journey as someone who will be training for an Olympic event. They don't just trained for couple of hours a day, then they go home eat a large meal, go to bars, get hangover the next day and stay off training for a day. They have to trained and manage their life 24 hours a day.

      The weight problem is first and foremost a mental battle. This is where I hope I can help someone.

      Thanks Ivy for your comment, always appreciate :)

    4. Thanks for taking the time to write back.

  5. Richard-

    This might be one instance where you and I fundamentally diasagree (on some of your points). My rationale would take way too long to post in your comment section, so be looking for my post about it tonight. Thanks for the inspiration, I needed something new to write about!

    1. I look forward to reading you FD :)

  6. Great post!
    And so true - every single point hits home. I agree :-)

    Best Regards,
    - TTK